It can be hard for caring adults to know how to support teens or talk about complex issues like conflict and injustice. It isn’t easy, especially when most adults feel uncertain or emotional about the same topics. But a steady, caring presence can go a long way. Here’s how adults can support teens in processing difficult news and current events.

1. Create a Safe Space

Start by establishing a safe environment where the teen feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. This means creating a non-judgmental space where emotions are welcomed—not shut down. Teens are more likely to open up if they know they won’t be criticized, dismissed or judged for how they feel.

Simply asking, “How are you feeling about everything going on?” or “What have you heard?” can open the door. Just being there, ready to listen, is sometimes all they need.

2. Validate Their Feelings

It’s understandable for teens to feel scared, confused, angry, or numb when processing heavy news. Let them know those feelings are valid. Phrases like, “It makes sense you’d feel that way” or “That would be upsetting for anyone” can help them feel seen and understood.

As licensed clinical social worker Laura Fonseca shares, validating a young person’s experience helps them feel secure enough to process what they’re going through—and eventually, develop healthy coping skills and confidence in themselves (Marie, 2022).

3. Share Age-Appropriate Information

Avoid information overload. Ask what they already know and other questions that help them process or evaluate information in a way that’s understandable. Teens need honesty, but they don’t need every detail. Offer facts, not opinions or hearsay, in a way that matches their age and emotional maturity, so they don’t feel alone or confused.

4. Use Active Listening

Sometimes, the most supportive thing is to simply listen. Put down distractions, give your full attention, and resist the urge to interrupt, offer quick solutions or share your opinions. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think about that?” or “How does that make you feel?”

Studies show that when teens feel truly listened to, they’re more likely to open up—and more likely to come back to you in the future (Weinstein et al., 2021).

5. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies

Teens often learn by example. Adults can help by modeling healthy coping strategies. Whether it’s going for a walk, journaling, practicing mindfulness, talking with someone trusted, or unplugging from media for a bit—modeling calm, productive responses to stress gives them tools to try. You can also encourage hobbies, physical activity, or creative expression to regulate their emotions.

6. Offer Hope and Resilience

Share stories of people helping others, communities coming together, or youth making a difference. Focus on the importance of compassion and understanding. You can also encourage teens to get involved in their communities if they feel compelled. Taking action, even in small ways, can restore a sense of control and purpose.

7. Offer Reassurance

Reassurance doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine—it’s reminding teens they are not alone and that there are systems and people working to keep them safe. Keep your tone calm and factual. If you don’t know something, say so—and offer to look into it together.

Reassure them that it’s okay to take breaks from the news, that their mental health matters, and that support is always available.

8. Check In

Processing hard topics takes time. Teens may not share everything in one conversation—or even know what they’re feeling yet. Let them know you’re available for further discussion, even if they don’t feel like talking right away.

Of course, you don’t have to handle everything. You can encourage them to talk with people trained to handle more challenging emotions. If a teen seems especially distressed, don’t hesitate to connect them with support. Resources like The Source Sacramento (for local youth and caregivers) or the National 988 Lifeline offer free, 24/7 support by phone, text, or chat.

And if there’s ever an immediate risk to their safety, seek professional help or call 911.

Wrapping UP

Talking to teens about social issues, war and other complex events can feel daunting, but you don’t have to have all the answers. What matters most is showing up with empathy, curiosity, and patience. By offering a safe space, validating emotions, and encouraging healthy coping, adults can help teens build resilience and navigate a challenging world with confidence. And don’t forget to practice your own self-care!

Once a mentee is part of the Aging UP community, they continue to be. When approached about her wishes, Davani asked to be matched with another mentor. Based on similar interests and personalities, a new mentor was quickly identified. Davani was matched with her second mentor, Cara*, in July 2021.

Within months of being re-matched, Davani was placed more than an hour’s drive outside of Sacramento County. That was no problem for Mentor Cara, who went above and beyond, traveling the extra distance to maintain time with Davani.

Davani continued to have placement changes and lived in 3 different foster homes before returning to an independent living program in Sacramento during her high school senior year. Through all of this—placement changes and uncertainties—Cara remained a constant in Davani’s life. In 2023, Davani graduated high school and enrolled in community college. Davani is now 19 years old and on track to receive two AA degrees in the summer of 2025.

It has not been easy for Davani to work and maintain good grades. Yet, she has remained committed. This past summer, however, Davani experienced stress, which required mental health services. Thankfully, she was not alone. Davani not only had her mentor but also our AmeriCorps Member Maya, who provides hands-on adulting support. Maya drove Davani to mental health services and stayed with her throughout the intake process, modeling self-advocacy. Mentor Cara took the following day off work so she and Davani could spend time together and enjoy a peaceful nature walk.

One of Davani’s recurring stressors was difficulty finding and maintaining a job. She continued meeting with Maya for hands-on support. Maya connected her with Compassion Planet, a partner organization specializing in workforce development. Davani now has steady work hours of paid, on-the-job training!

Back on track, Davani resumed courses but still felt overwhelmed and tired of working so hard without seeing immediate benefits. She was planning to give up after earning her associate degrees. She met with Maya to discuss this. Maya empathetically listened and explored future life scenarios with and without a 4-year degree.

Davani is interested in a career in law enforcement and realized the long-term benefits of gaining a bachelor’s degree. She now plans to transfer to Sacramento State University in the fall of 2025.

We are so proud of Davani and honored to offer her and all our mentees a caring and consistent mentor with resources and support from our program team. We are grateful to our community of supporters who invest in our mission and make this work possible—thank you! If you would like to join them, please visit agingup.org/give-support today!

*Names changed for confidentiality

Though we recruit adult volunteers with long-term connections in mind, our program is a one-year commitment for both mentors and mentees from their match date. From the beginning, we train on the importance of a healthy closure. Through our process, mentors offer a unique and potential final gift to their mentees: a positive, healthy and meaningful goodbye experience.

Mentee Monica* and her mentor Cheryl recently experienced this. They were matched in November 2020, and though the pandemic made it challenging, the two went from an awkward introduction through Zoom to being special people in one another’s lives.

Cheryl has an energetic personality and used it with her creativity and advice from our program team to make the most of any challenges. Grabbing take-out to dine outside of Monica’s apartment complex was something they often enjoyed together. Of course, more than eating together was happening.

Cheryl continued to show up! She was a committed, friendly person. This created trust. Monica had a habit of dropping commitments with other people, but she never canceled on Cheryl. While they enjoyed many conversations over meals, the Match experienced a lot of meaningful fun together. Cheryl also provided first-time experiences for Monica. She introduced her to spray paint art, go-kart racing, horseback riding and other new activities.

There are many reasons why a mentoring match may formally end. Even though Monica and Cheryl grew a true friendship, other circumstances revealed that this Match would close at the end of their year. Working with our program staff, Cheryl prepared Monica in advance for their final visit.

After an afternoon of arcade games and pizza (one of their first activities together), the goodbyes took place. There were hugs, laughs and tears. Both expressed a desire to stay in touch, even though they won’t have the opportunity to see each other as they have.

We are grateful for Cheryl’s investment as a mentor and thrilled to have her as part of our community. As alumni, Monica will still have access to resources and support from our program.

Becoming a mentor was a huge leap of faith that gave Cheryl a newfound belief in herself. It also gave Monica a role model and a year of adventure. We are proud of them and wish them all the best.

*Mentee’s name changed for confidentiality

Despite the challenges of the coronavirus pandemic, our incredible community of supporters came through in 2020. We are so grateful to grantors Golden 1 Credit Union, Capitol Network and Ticket to Dream Foundation. Their generosity, along with committed supporters and special donations through online fundraisers, enabled us to stay on track with plans to add another mentoring cohort this year!

It’s a pleasure to share that our Mentor Training Cohort 4 has begun! Out of 29 applicants, we welcomed 18 incredible adults. These individuals exude kindness and commitment and meet other criteria necessary to become an Aging UP Mentor.

Cohort 4 is very special. They are the first group to train entirely remotely. Typically, we hold 4 sessions, totaling 20 hours of in-person training. This has been revised to 6 sessions, totaling 14 hours of live virtual training, combined with independent work of completing activities and watching videos. To build community, mentors-in-training can network before and after each session. We also hold weekly Zoom drop-in hours for casual mingling and to discuss topics further.

Not only is this our largest training class, but it is also our most diverse group so far! Ages range from early-20s to mid-70s, and more than 7 ethnicities are represented. While the group is comprised primarily of women, we’re excited to have three strong male role models and will work to improve gender diversity.

Training is still part of our thorough screening process. It is also an opportunity for prospective mentors to ensure that we’re the right program for them. We believe each one has the potential to be a stable, supportive friend who can help a youth from foster care thrive.

We are so excited to continue learning with this group and preparing them to be the best mentors possible. Cohort 4, welcome to our community!

Star* is one of the young adults in our program. She recently moved into her first apartment. It was a move that needed to happen quickly and she did not have most of what she needed. Thankfully, her Mentor Kristin worked with our Program Director Kecia to ensure the milestone was met with excitement.

Kecia reached out to our partners Defending the Cause Regional Alliance as well as her personal network to acquire items like a desk, coffee table, TV, lamps, décor and more. Almost simultaneously, Ticket to Dream Foundation’s Take Flight Program in partnership with Turbo Shine Car Wash provided additional grant support that helped us create an Emergency Fund specifically for our older teens and young adults. We immediately put this funding into action and purchased basic cleaning supplies and a gift card for Star.

Star met her mentor at a nearby Walmart and, gift card in hand, they enjoyed a two-hour shopping trip. The time was well-spent as Kristin used the opportunity to teach shopping skills. The Match discussed real value versus perceived value as they shopped for staple kitchen items and small appliances.

Star was genuinely appreciative and even though it was all her choice, she was shy to select items. As a fan of smoothies, Star’s eyes lit up at the sight of a Nutribullet, and with a little encouragement, she happily put it in the cart.

With more support than she ever expected, Star turned her new apartment into a home. Following her mentor’s example, she wrote a thank you note that stated, “…You made everything so much easier for me and I appreciate it. I will be having so much fun decorating.”

*Name and photos used with permission.

Each Mentoring Match enjoys time together differently. Our youth are encouraged to drive the types of activities they do with their mentor. Before we match a youth with a mentor, we take many things into consideration. The main criteria include the youth’s interests, personality and any requests they may have.

Once we pair a Mentoring Match together, we continue to monitor and support them. As their friendship grows, it’s amazing to see and hear about all the fun they have together. Check out some of these mentoring moments:

“

We went hiking, even though it was hot and uphill, we survived with a few needed breaks. We dipped our toes in the ice-cold river then got some Mexican food before heading home.

We played 15 hands of Uno at a coffee shop. It was a BLAST! She had to teach me since it’s been over 20 years since I played last (LOL!) 

We went to an event at Sac State. After enjoying music and getting a bunch of cool SWAG, we just walked around campus. It was really cool to share a bit of my college experience and it provided a space for her to share her dreams and goals too! This was probably one of my favorite experiences with her!

We went to a tennis court and it was great to just whack the ball and have fun with it.

We saw his first concert together so it was really cool! It may have inspired him to start drumming again.

“

We know, and research confirms that youth who connect with a mentor have significant and statistically better outcomes. If you’re interested in being a positive adult role model and a consistent, supportive friend to a youth with experience in foster care, register for a one-hour, no-obligation orientation by contacting Program Director Kecia at kecia@agingup.org.

Fall 2019 Orientations from 6 to 7 pm:

Thursday, September 5 |Natomas

Thursday, September 26 |Elk Grove

Wednesday, October 2 |South Sacramento

Thursday, October 3 |Arden Arcade

Exact location will be shared in registration confirmation email.

Aging UP’s trauma-informed approach focuses on building healthy relationships. For youth who have limited community—as it is for most in foster care—we know that compassionate mentors can make a meaningful difference by boosting positive relationships and affirming interactions in the lives of young people.

Acclaimed child trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry states, “Positive relational interactions regulate the brain’s stress response systems and help create positive and healing [states of mind].”

These positive relationships, in turn, calm the over-reactive stress responses that Dr. Nadine Burke Harris discussed in the first post of this series.

Such positive relationships also lead to enhanced resilience. As psychologist Diana Fosha shares in her book The Body keeps Score, “The roots of resilience are to be found in the sense of being understood by and existing in the mind and heart of a loving, attuned, and self-possessed other.”  

Unfortunately, youth in foster care rarely have such people in their lives; mostly, they are surrounded by paid professionals. While we do not intend to belittle the efforts of those hard-working and dedicated individuals, we do wish to emphasize that our youth need positive, committed, personal relationships with a caring teacher, coach, neighbor, mentor and a host of others who are not paid to be in their lives. Dr. Perry highlights such relationships as a powerful therapeutic impact.

Dr. Perry also makes a vivid comparison to spokes on a wheel: the more positive connections and relationships a young person has, the more established and supportive their spokes are to support their whole self.

Once an Aging UP mentor establishes a meaningful friendship with their youth, this relationship has the potential of becoming a conduit to other vital community supports. Their impact, then, increases greatly as the youth becomes more and more connected to their community and to people who understand and earnestly care about them.

Continue to follow along as Part III will explore a creative approach to connect with youth and how establishing good habits further develops positive relationships.

Article by Program Liaison Steve Kempster, LCSW

In honor of National Mentoring Month, we celebrated our team of mentors with their guests and other volunteers by enjoying an adventurous time at Red Door Escape Room. Our large group split into four teams. Each team combined their wits to solve puzzles and creative challenges needed to escape. With 60 minutes and a friendly staff who offered clues, the teams laughed while racing against the clock to unlock doors, solve riddles and find objects necessary to beat the challenges.

Of our four groups, only one actually escaped within the time allotted. However, all of the groups had a blast. Not only did the teams enjoy their time, but the activity also served as team building and friendship-making experience.

After being challenged, we walked next door for more socializing at Fort Rock Brewing. They had a great space set aside for us to enjoy craft beer, conversation and darts. Tasty pizza, jalapeno poppers and cheesy bread from Milan Pizza were also delivered and enjoyed by the group.

Continuing the celebration, we raffled gift cards and other prizes, thanks to donations from individuals, Joe’s Crab Shack and Starbucks at Delta Shores and I-5. Our partner Cake 4 Kids also provided delicious cupcakes as a special thank you to our mentors.

We sure hope that each element was a treat and sign of appreciation to our fantastic mentors and volunteers. Without them, our work of empowering youth with experience in foster care to successfully transition into adulthood, would not be possible.

If you want to have your own adventure at Red Door Escape Room, we highly recommend it. You can save $5 per person, by typing “agingup” as your code during checkout.

Training is a continued part of the screening process and allows us to get to know the mentors better. Their personalities, questions and engagement styles are tools that will be used to help match them with their own mentees.

Over four sessions, our founders, Match Coordinator Bonnie, LMFT and guest speakers Salina Harrigan, LCSW and Jayna Longstreet, MSW covered topics that included the foster care system, adolescent development, implicit bias, mentoring best practices, communication skills, along with program policies and procedures. A representative from The Child Abuse Prevention Center also provided mandated reporter training to our mentors.

The final session included a panel with a current Aging UP mentor, two former mentors to youth in foster care and a former mentee who is now a foster care alumnus. The panel provided insider tips and real-life examples on how to be a supportive mentor.

Our new mentors will soon be matched with their own mentees and begin the exciting path of being a supportive friend and role model to a teen from foster care.

The training sessions were held at Sacramento City College and were graciously funded by Sacramento County Office of Education and a grant from the Women Lawyers of Sacramento. We’re grateful to the additional support of our volunteers Andrea Watson and Dayne Sakazaki, who generously provided onsite assistance during the sessions.

Check out this short video of the Golden State Warriors as they join NBA Cares and MENTOR in bringing awareness to the important need of mentors for at-risk youth. During the month of September, this powerful partnership is shining light on the need for mentors and encouraging all to consider becoming “someone who matters to someone who matters.”

We invite you to take this message to heart and sign up for one of our upcoming orientations by contacting Program Director Kecia at kecia@agingup.org.

Our one-hour, no-obligation orientation is the first step to becoming a mentor in real life to a youth from foster care. During the presentation, Aging UP staff will thoroughly explain the requirements, benefits, and need for mentors. Attendees will gain a clear picture of what it would be like to be a mentor with Aging UP and will have all the information needed to decide if a mentoring a youth from foster care is right for them.

There may be 9 million at-risk youth without a mentor, but you can make a difference for one of them – right here in Sacramento!

Consider becoming a mentor in real life and register for one of our upcoming dates:

Saturday, September 23 | 10:00 – 11:00 am |Elk Grove

Thursday, September 28 | 6:30-7:30 pm |Midtown

Tuesday, October 3 | 6:00 – 7:00 pm |South Sacramento